To help you remember key details, try building pictures in your mind to depict any actions or challenges. What a good question!’ My client responded in this exact same way. I’m a huge fan of Stephen Covey’s wisdom. When you listen with the intent to understand, your curiosity kicks in. Listen with the intent to understand. Instead of thinking about what you want to say while the other person is talking, really listen to them. Frustrated? Nod occasionally to indicate you understand and are following the message. The minutes detailed what the person wanted to hear or perhaps thought they heard. Most of us do it. And one more solid point: In my book, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, the number one trait of a great leaders is humility. It’s okay. Take in their tone of voice as well as what they are actually saying. That point is not supported by fact, so I can instantly discount that. How did it make you feel? When you’re short on time (which, let’s face it, most leaders are), it will help you to manage conversations and situations quickly. Repeat short phrases to indicate understanding. Cloud speaks to connection between people; listening to understand, empathizing and connection. Listen with intent to understand, not reply. we can miss vital points which might change what we were going to say. If you heard these answers from someone you work with, you might call them inattentive and rude. Your Comments. Apr 27, 2015 - Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. It seems, most of the time, we are not… Humans are intuitive. Repetition is annoying and frustrating. A common objection to this style of listening is that reflecting slows down the conversation and gets in the way of decision making. Listen with the intent to understand. Present in person? If this scenario reflects in any way what you are experiencing while “listening” to other people, then you listen with the intent to respond. I wonder what experience they’ve had with this in the past? Listening is so valuable even in messages online. Cynthia Tobar is an artist, activist-scholar, archivist and oral historian who is passionate about creating interactive, participatory stories documenting social change. Best to ask the individual whether they like it strong or weak.”, Paul: “Great, I understand. But what a difference it will make in your life if you even get marginally good at it. Reflecting definitely takes more time, but by listening to understand accurately means you can save time too, because you won’t have errors in communications. I wonder what they believe will be the best outcome. You want to understand, you want to know their viewpoint. You're listening with the intent to control the interaction. "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand: they listen with the intent to reply." To truly listen and understand what’s being said means making the choice to be 100 percent present in the moment and allowing the speaker to captivate your attention. The answer is, when you listen to respond, we are generally formulating and answer in our head while the person is talking, i.e. That reminds me I need to pick up dog food on the way home. Video 141/365 of daily motivational and #mindset videos. Make eye contact to show you are listening and interested. Patrick Neifert. You're listening with the intent to control the interaction. Listening with the intent to reply is listening for your opportunity to direct the customer where you think they need to go. The foundation of humility is the willingness to listen with the intent to understand. I find that, as I'm working, I tend to listen to reply rather than listen to understand. They were in the same meeting as me, yet the minutes didn’t reflect the conversation we had. I firmly believe it has a root cause in the fact that people listen with the intent to respond – NOT with the intent to understand (a quote made famous by Stephen R. Covey). This is speaking heart to heart. Stephen Covey Quotes Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply. And on and on and on until you’re forced to pause and the cycle repeats. I’ll go and make us both a brew! You can learn sometng new. Without judging. “And then I sat back and I listened. Ask if you’ve got the facts correct. The other way to listen to customers is to listen with the intent to understand. As Stephen Covey wrote in his famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." Debi Edy. At times, we’re all guilty of not listening actively. On my second medical firm, I had the opportunity to watch an expert listener at work. You’re pretending to listen, when you’re really thinking about what to have for dinner or that paper you need to finish before the end of the day. When you learn the active listening technique, you’ll become far more effective and efficient in everything you do. Maybe. If it’s driven by curiosity and wonderment, the other person will immediately know that you’ve been listening to understand. Listening with an intent to understand is assuming real value in the message. I do, too, Patrick! Classic responses include: “I get bored when people don’t get to the point”. Annoyed? Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey MOTIVATIONAL WRITER. It’s really important, otherwise the tea won’t taste very nice.”, Paul: “Ah, so how long do I need to leave it to brew?”, Sam: “A couple of minutes should be plenty for a cup of tea. Listening Pass It On® Pass It On® share tweet pin email print. et des millions de livres en stock sur Amazon.fr. You’ll be amazed at how much people are willing to share with you and how much they’re willing to listen to and understand your point-of-view. This is one of my favourite habits from his seven. If there are any gaps in knowledge, ask the other person to fill the missing pieces of information. Let them be heard and finish what they are saying. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Today's topic is how listening with the intent to understand makes all of your #relationships better. You can learn a lot from listening to others, but when you choose to listen with intent to understand you will learn at a much deeper level – about your team and your organisation. Listening is an incredible skill to have in the workplace. Noté /5. Your brain has a lot more capacity than your think. Or they can be rich, active, intense experiences that lead to serious learning. Exploring Management of the Absurd, Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the Non-Essential. I don't think I do that as much when I'm not working. Unimportant? If you feel you need to interject, try saying “I understand”. Listening with empathy is giving of yourself. Listening and observing can be passive activities—in one ear and out the other, as our mothers used to say. A few key things happen from their point-of-view: Steven Covey in his, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about. How do you like yours?”. Debi Edy. It led me to question whether they were present in the room. Consider how the other person or people in the conversation might feel as a result. We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1,000-3,000 words per minute. Do you listen with the intent to understand or with the intent to reply? 1827 quotes from Stephen R. Covey: 'But until a person can say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise. 6. ', and 'Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Let’s apply this to an everyday situation…, Sam: “Do you know how to make a cup of tea?”, Sam: “Talk me through the steps you go through to make a cup of tea”, Paul: “Boil the kettle, pop a teabag in a cup, pour on the boiling water, allow to brew, remove the teabag, add milk, stir and serve.”, Sam: “OK, so I need to boil the kettle, add boiling water to teabag, take the teabag out, add milk, stir and serve. It will be refreshing. I often ask clients, "When you interact with someone, do you listen with an intent to understand or with an intent to respond?" If you won’t give your full attention to someone who wants to speak with you, how are they going to react? It takes a conscious effort and some practice to actually start listening with the intent to understand. What’s your reaction when someone actually listens to you and truly wants to understand? Turn and face the other person. It makes no difference; it’s a pause. You can actually listen to another person at the same time as you act as an observer to watch what your own brain is doing. Once they realize you’re trying to understand their point-of-view, they become less rigid in their stance and more willing to admit it’s just their point-of-view. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You’re wondering. Stephen R. Covey said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) Why is that? In other words they just want someone who will listen to them even online. You can learn a lot from listening to others, but when you choose to listen with intent to understand you will learn at a much deeper level – about your team and your organisation. This sparks a very different reaction on their part. What “Listening to Understand” Looks Like. Observe the other person’s body language. You listen with reflective skills, but you listen with intent to reply, to control, to manipulate. Have you missed anything? Here's how to make sure your intentions are good. How I learned to listen. Learning to listen with the intent to understand is one of the most important skills that a sales professional can acquire in his or her career. I like to ask clients a couple of questions around listening: The response to both questions is often ‘No’. Confirm what actions, if any, you need to take as a result of the conversation. Listen to the problem and repeat the key points to validate your understanding. About this Site | © 2019 Team Leadership Culture | platform by Apricot Services, What Makes for a Great Leader: Two Pillars, Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the…, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, Power of Integrity - Team Leadership Culture, Absurd! At times, we’re all guilty of not listening actively. 3. What is the problem with listening to respond? The other person pauses; they may not even be finished with their point of view, but just pausing a moment to collect their thoughts or even pausing a moment before presenting their obviously convincing closing statement. I probe a little deeper to understand the reasons for their answers. We all appreciate the benefits of listening, such as listening to ignite other people’s thinking, but most of us are not that good at it. You may actually ask if there is a conclusion on further thought. ~ Stephen R. Covey . Most of us could be better listeners. Ana calma from Philippines AUGUST 31, 2019 Exactly. Yes. The one who has the true intention to understand never face the complication in conquering any of the discussions, conversations and not even in … Try this time-saving approach. | Heartfelt Love And Life Quotes | Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. What happens when you feel like you are not being heard? They become more open to questioning their own point-of-view because you’re honestly questioning it in an attempt to understand and not with the intent to control or discredit it. Listen with the intent to understand. And let me also clarify another conclusion you reached that is counter to all the facts we have.”. EXCELLENCE   I   EFFICIENCY   I   EFFECTIVENESS, The attributes of an effective communicator, Webinars for Nationwide Virtual Workshops, Interactive Online User-Led Training Packages. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change It means to really focus on the words they are saying and what is going on in their mind. ', 'Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Listen to their words, watch their body language, and focus on the speaker completely. Even if you’re not talking to someone, you can be a very valuable resource, you … And most importantly, once you’ve fully listened to and attempted to understand their point-of-view, they’re much more willing to listen to and be open to your point-of-view. In mind, definitely not! Try not to interrupt the person speaking. This is one of my favourite habits from his seven. […] of value to offer, we’re not willing to pay. Your first reaction to the pause may be to simply wait to see if there is a conclusion or further thoughts. Yesterday, a valued colleague described a fascinating professional interaction and used the phrase, “listening with intent.”While I imagine this is something on the level of “seek first to understand,” the phrasing works for me.It connotes a significant and deep personal investment in focusing on another human…something lacking from most of our interchanges in life and in the workplace. Is anyone listening to you? Those two points support my side of the argument so I’ll immediately respond with those. Listening is one of those skills that we're not really taught how to do. Whatever you’re response. Joseph does an awesome job with working with freelancers online that do things for my company and what Joseph says all the time is that people just want someone to listen with intent to understand. Probably all the above. Do you listen with the intent to understand the person who is speaking? Those moments when you nod and smile in the right places. Most of us do it most of the time. Retrouvez Do Not Listen With The Intent To Reply But With The Intent To Understand: A soft cover blank lined journal to jot down ideas, memories, goals, and anything else that comes to mind. Is that right?”, Paul: “Yes, but you missed out allowing the tea to brew. Add Comment. Do the same from the other person’s perspective. Learn how your comment data is processed. You’ll need to leave it for longer if you’re using a teapot. 1. Notice their eye contact and body language. Don't listen with the intent to reply. I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end of lazy listening. If you’re truly curious and wondering , then your response when that inevitable pause comes will be totally different. This relates closely to another blog I wrote about listening with the intent to understand. And I think, as a country, we listen with the intent to respond and not with the intent to understand where people are coming from. If you’re like most of us, you’ll find your own brain developing some sort of check list: Then the moment happens. Steven Covey in his, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about. Were they having an out-of-body experience? Patrick Neifert. As you watch the non-verbal cues people provide as they are processing a message you often know they are itching to vocalize their response versus listening to truly understand the message content. It can tell you a lot about how their feelings about the subject. “When you interact with someone, do you listen with an intent to understand or with an intent to respond?” Their answer is often: ‘Oh! It's an entirely different paradigm. Keeping in mind nowadays mentality, people usually search for the place or person, where they would have listened with an intent to be understood. When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. Those moments when you nod and smile in the right places. I can’t believe they actually think that point is valid. True Hunters and Closers understand the strength behind listening to a prospect's request, concern, and ultimately their needs. Try it. document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "acafed6e68c2e6cec208dbdbf62484e7" );document.getElementById("bd23dfa829").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Use it often. Politics, coronavirus, masks, black lives matter…..these words exhaust and overwhelm me mentally. Fill in any gaps for them. The experts call this “active listening”, and there are a few different components: Pay attention. So you jump in: “Let me reinforce a couple of statements you made earlier because I believe they make my point exactly. Active listening is based on the principle of confirming understanding. Listening with intent to understand is an incredibly useful skill, particularly in emotional situations where leaders need detailed information to make decisions. When someone is talking to you, look at them. The next time you’re listening to something, especially on a topic where you don’t necessarily agree, try this experiment: Use part of your brain to pay attention to what you’re thinking when listening to the other person. This is probably my number 1 goal. ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. Achetez neuf ou d'occasion How can I better listen to understand in my work? Anonymous SEPTEMBER 13, 2018 Listen to learn what is being said. I know you can. 2. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand. Listening with the intent to reply is listening for your opportunity to direct the customer where you think they need to go. If we’re not willing to discipline ourselves to truly understand the other person or pay to give […], […] his chapter on establishing trust, Dr. Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. Everyone will appreciate being heard and saving precious time. Only recently, a colleague sent me the minutes of a meeting. Practice it. These are important conversation pieces, but the majority feel as if their personal belief on these matters are the only correct perspectives. You’re not trying to catalog the points you’re hearing. Active listening enables you to quickly identify and fill knowledge gaps and avoid going over old ground. Listen with Empathy and Intent to Understand How do I use this tone? It's easier said than done. This form of listening is taught by business schools and coaches, and it’s not about just nodding and smiling your way through as she speaks. You may express your wonderment and curiosity and begin to ask questions or clarification or deeper understanding or more background. This means not thinking about what you want to say while your prospect is talking. The difference lies in our intention: the purpose and awareness with which we approach the occasion. 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